Listen Very Carefully - The ’Allo ’Allo Podcast

Good Staff Are Hard to Find

This week, despite distractions from Alexa, a photographer called Rowan and a bottle of Prosecco, Kim, Guy and Richard maintain their usual level of sober professionalism while discussing the episode in which the new characters of Captain Bertorelli and Mimi la Bonq are introduced.

Camp Dance

Is there such a thing as an episode-numbering nerd? Or geek? Or both? Question: Who literally cares which season or blinkin' episode this is? Answer: Kim, as well as some of the show's most militant archivists. Anyway, this is Pod 24, and the fun starts long before we unveil our literally special guest. Tune in and meet her/him/them. The series says farewell to Sam Kelly as Hans, as he is catapulted over the wire, and Francesca Gonshaw as Maria, who is posted to Switzerland in a parcel. For a change, iced tea is served in Kim's kitchen.

Prisoners of War

The committee starts to get strict about overuse of the word "wonderful" – which is likely to have little effect. More fun and frolics in the prison camp, and the trio celebrate the rare privilege of seeing Richard Marner do the Can Can, Gruber dressed as a nun, and Helga singing a long-overdue Lili Marlene. 

The Great Unescape

Amid panto reminiscences from our pod trio (tripod), we discover that Fanny's pet name for her lover van Gogh was Bobby. While Guy and Richard get all knowing about the McGuffin device in detective stories, Kim insists it is a burger chain meal deal. They discuss the lengths that some performers will go to in order to secure a close-up, including gaining access to the camera scripts (some of them dummies created by the production team to throw them off the scent). Meanwhile, Kim, Guy and Richard protest too much at the suggestion they would ever chase a close-up.

Pretty Maids All in a Row

British airmen dressed as ladies of the night; Maria and Yvette disguised as ancient crones; a melodramatic fake murder scenario during a flamenco performance by Edith in the café; a plan to smuggle the airmen into the prison camp via a tunnel from the mortuary; a priceless van Gogh that has been hanging unnoticed in the café and turns out to have been a gift from the painter to Fanny during a passionate affair. Busines as usual in Café René. Back in Kim's kitchen, our hosts question the story that Carmen grew up on a banana plantation in Canada.

The Gâteau from the Château

More nuggets from Kim’s kitchen, as the trio mull over the events of the double-length Christmas Special – involving attempts from all sides to bump off General von Klinkerhoffen. Sam Kelly receives a well-deserved round of applause from the studio audience for his virtuoso speech about “the pill in the till, the drug in the jug and the Gateau from the Chateau”. There is talk of a crashing air balloon, screwing down a billiard table, and Gorden’s graceful handling of props. A mischievous prank by Kim and Richard at the George Hotel backfires badly on them.

Flight of Fancy

Now that René has recovered the painting, Michelle plans to catapult the airman away in a glider, using elastic from men's braces. But collecting them in the dead of night presents yet another problem for the long-suffering café owner. A runaway steamroller flattens Herr Flick's staff car, which is only insured third-party. As the village clock chimes eight outside Kim' cottage, it's time for our hosts to crack open the gin.

The Fallen Madonna

Rene is busy in the cellar, bricking up the painting, while Flick and Helga have their first date in the back room. But this episode is well out of order – it was the third one of the series, instead of the 18th, but who really cares anyway? The Big Boobies get their first mention, accompanied by an on-air mime, and the team are impressed by the modest grace of Carmen's movement.

The Sausage in the Wardrobe

Maria is sent to Gruber's quarters at the chateau with the real Fallen Madonna for him to copy, but is intercepted by von Klinkerhoffen. René and Edith, and the Colonel and Hans infiltrate the chateau to steal back the painting, and a suit of armour with a distinctive limp joins the trail. Helga performs the strip of a lifetime – causing Kim to put her back out.

Gruber Does Some Mincing

Monsieur Alphonse’s ransom loan is repaid in notes forged by Monsieur Leclerc, as the Resistance smuggle out the motor from General von Klinkerhoffen's lawn mower in Madame Fanny's wheelchair. Gruber’s little tank makes its debut with its feeble little horn, while its owner is delivered to Herr Flick’s cellar rolled up in a carpet. Anna Stubley gets a special mention for her magnificent costumes, Sherry Louise Plant makes her debut as Lisette, and Guy remarks on the quality of Gorden’s opening. 

The Nicked Knockwurst

Rene delivers his opening monologue from the bath, Monsieur Alfonse slurps his soup and passes out, Madame Fanny fits four in her bed, and Paul Cooper makes his debut as Herr Flick’s tailor. When the knockwurst is snatched by Gruber’s dog, the chase turns into one of the most outlandish horizon shots of the series.

Herr Flick's Revenge

Once again, the team claims this as a favourite episode. The classic dungeon scene features Herr Flick on his mighty organ, as Helga lets down her hair and turns the wheel to bring the ceiling down on their captives. Gorden supplies a severed head in the rehearsal room, and John D Collins knocks himself out and breaks both ankles. Meanwhile, Monsieur Alphonse’s wooing of Madame Edith continues unabated.

The Duel

More fun and laughter as we discover Edith selling tickets to the duel between Rene and Monsieur Alphonse, Helga trying to eat peas while handcuffed, share tales of von Smallhausen’s beginnings in a strip club, and hear of the origins of a famous catchphrase.

The Policeman Cometh

This week’s pod introduces our first surprise guest – guaranteed to entertain.

Swiftly and with Style

Monsieur Alphonse challenges Rene to a duel, Monsieur Leclerc nicks knickers, and a cow rides by on a tandem.

The Wooing of Widow Artois

This week’s round-table discussion brings news of a famous fan, while Guy pulls a face for the listeners and the King calls Kim a ghastly creature.