Listen Very Carefully - The ’Allo ’Allo! Podcast

Earnest debate abounds over whether Gorden is wearing a false moustache. Everyone enjoys Hilary Minster’s turn as General “Piggy” von Klinkerhoffen. A clash between the Gaullist and Communist Resistance culminates in a Western-style brawl, in which Mimi does what she does best – getting stuck in and braining one of the opposition with a large marrow. A lively scene with a bull sees Crabtree lying flattened on the ground, after his red satin bloomers have caused the beast to do what oxen do. Flick and von Smallhausen face a firing squad, but you will have to watch the episode to find out whether or not they survive.

Having started by saying there was not much to say about this episode, Kim, Guy and Richard were soon riffing on all aspects of it, and were never stuck for words. René and Edith get as far as the altir to finally get married, but a loose roof tile on high saves our hero at the very last moment. Plenty of fun with items going down knickers, including bank notes and live frogs. KIm, as Helga, disguises herself as a crone, to visit Flick and von Smallhausen in prison. Flick is not keen to kiss her looking like this, but von Smallhausen is not so fussy.

This episode treats us to a preview of David Janson, who later went on to take over as Herr Flick in the final series. Topics covered include speculation as to whether ginger grows on trees and other profoundly philosophical matters. To help celebrate René’s birthday, Edith goes out into town on his arm, wearing an even more fetching hat than usual – probably to impress Monsieur Alphonse. Having fathered her unborn child, René is taken by to visit a priest with a view to tying the knot, but, as in all situations, our hero is saved just in the nick of time. No opportunities are wasted in plugging the upcoming appearance by the trio in the new comedy series, Date Me Not, in which Kim and Richard get raunchy.

René and the gang are still in their flamenco getup, and bravely doing their best to carry out another of Michelle’s hare-brained schemes. A truth serum from a Patagonian frog causes Helga’s breasts to swell to unfeasible proportions, and it is universally acknowledged among the podsters that Richatd Marner is striking in disguise as a Resisitance girl. No sign in this series so far of Captain Bertorelli or the two airmen. No one seems sure about what became of them, or whether they will be coming back at any time.

While the folk from the café are busy disguising themselves as Flamenco dancers, Herr Flick and von Smallhausen – in the guise of women privates of the opposite sex – are put through their paces doing star jumps with melons down their bras. Helga, of course, also sports fetching gym kit, and Gruber has a saucy moment with Monsieur Alphonse. Prepare to shake those legs as we are treated to a special bonus rendition of Kim’s and Richard’s lively single, Rock Around Ze Clock. 

Shock and alarm in Café René as Yvette reveals that she is pregnant. A truth serum from a Patagonian firefly causes von Smallhausen’s backside to sparkle in the most delightful way. Kim, Richard and Guy recall a studio prank that involved the late, great comedian Frank Carson. And their antics at Schiphol airport prove that they still have not grown up very much.

Fun and merriment as the gypsies come to town. René has his fortune told but Edith’s hand is too wrinkly to get an accurate reading. Louise Gold returns as Elsa Bigstern, and Michelle of the Resistance sports a highly fetching swimsuit.

Kim, Guy and Richard make the most of the hot summer days by recording the pod in Kim’s garden. All kinds of subjects are covered, including the guest appearance of the magninficent Louise Gold, in the role of Elsa Bigstern, who is there to take care of the office – as well as Herr Flick – while Helga takes a few days off. The airmen are down a drain, and have to be fed sausages via René’s trouser leg, and soup from Fanny’s wheelchair. To add to the fun, the general gets a good hosing down with vanilla ice cream.

Thanks to the limitless ingenuity of Michelle of the Resistance, the Airmen have been packed into wine barrels, ready to be floated down a sewer. Wait and see whether or not it will work… To make relations between the locals and the occupying forces appear cordial, Captain Bertorelli is set up to marry Edith, which he approaches with great enthusiasm. And she proves to be quite appreciative of his attentions – a gem of a scene for Carmen Silvera and Roger Kitter.

Kim, Guy and Richard reminisce about the recording days of ‘Allo ‘Allo!, and regularly being refused entry to the studio by the BBC Jobsworths. Kim and Richard recall their unacceptable behaviour as teenaged bartenders, and Guy remembers going to a party with an elephant.

The women of the town are dressed in their finest as they compete to be the Spirit of Nouvion pin-up in the local paper. Lots of fun in the cellar as Flick and Helga have a lovers’ tiff and let rip at each other. John Louis Mansi as von Smallhausen surpasses himself in this episode, especially with this sinister impression of Peter Lorre. Meanwhile, in the office, Gruber reluctantly defeats the Colonel at chess. Now that the new writer, Paul Adam, has settled in, the concensus is that he is doing a fine job.

Flick and von Smallhausen are finally rescued from the monastery by Helga, who whisks them away on an enormous tricycle. The chat around Kim’s table covers a generous range of topics, including General von Klinkerhoffen in stockings and suspenders. Someone in the make-up department has given Monsieur Alphonse’s moustache and eyebrows a sprightly extra twirl this week. Michelle of the Resistance shows a leg – which causes quite a stir in the café, and no mistake.

Despite having no memory of this episode at all, Kim, Guy and Richard soon warm up to it, and all agree it is one of the very best episodes in the entire series. There is a surprise appearance from the late, great Sam Kelly, reprising his role as Hans – only this time he is working for British Intelligence, and the whole episode is helped along by some stirling performaces from a range of guest artists. Definitely one to watch.

Any mention of monks in this show is sure to feature scourging, and the writers do not disappoint. Helga arrives on a large tricycle at the monastery where Flick and von Smallhausen are held captive. The Germans have awarded René a medal for bravery, which does not make him popular in the town – even the pigeons have taken against him, and have rewarded Edith with an unpleasant deposit. The Airmen look especially fetching this week as cleaning ladies in the café.

Now that the old couple have finally landed back on earth, they find themselves trapped behind a wall and have to be released by Monsieur Alphonse with some gelignite. Flick and von Smallhausen get caught in the crossfire and are blown to shreds once again. Gruber and von Flockenstuffen have cpmpleted the improvements to the Colonel’s office, and it is now a delightful shade of coral pink. Kim delivers two perfect Rose Hill impressions and is appointed our official Fanny impersonator. Something of a German-heavy episode this week – not much of the people in the café, and no sign at all of Michelle of the Resistance. But fear not, they’ll soon be back.

Welcome once again to Kim’s kitchen, where we settle in to watch the start of a new season – a year on from the last podcast. We take our hats off to the new writer, Paul Adam, who has taken over from David Croft for this series. The old couple, Fanny and Ernest, come down to earth after floating away on their bed, powered by a helium balloon, then take off on a stolen motorbike. Gruber and the high camp vom Flockenstuffen decide to redecorate the Colonel’s office – in a pleasing shade of pink. Kim accuses Richard of being interesting – for the second time in two weeks. Kim gets into trouble on the Swansea-Cork Ferry.